Once I Had A
Secret Love – Part 1
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Author: Ava Rating: PG-13 Disclaimer: JAG and all its characters belong to Belisarius Productions, Paramount, CBS, Viacom, and probably endless others. Summary: Mac writes a book about her life and loves. AJ reads it and realizes she’s in love with him. Author's comments: The main plot for this story came from Naïma. I am delighted that she asked me to write the story for her while she’s busy with another semester of classes. Characters' speaking parts are in double quotes ("text"); characters' thoughts are in single quotes ('text'). |
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Saturday, 3 November 2001
2145 EST
Chegwidden Residence
McLean, Virginia
AJ Chegwidden sat on the sofa reading a legal brief. His mind wasn’t on the brief, though. He was thinking of its author, Colonel Sarah
MacKenzie. He stroked her hair and
toyed with her ears. When he looked
down at her body stretched across the sofa, he almost sighed. A dream come true, to have Sarah MacKenzie
in his home, on his sofa, her head in his lap.
He smiled as he looked at her face.
‘Damn, Chegwidden! Keep your thoughts in line! This is not
Mac; it’s Deb!’
He looked closer at Deb’s face. “Deb? What is it, Darlin’? You’re crying.” AJ wondered if he’d called her by Mac’s name. No, he knew he hadn’t spoken out loud. Something else had to be wrong. AJ laid his hand on the book she was reading, and asked, again, “Deb, why are you crying?”
Deb lifted her teary eyes to look at AJ. “It’s just so sad,” she gulped.
“What’s sad, Darlin’?”
“This chapter. It’s sad.”
“Debbie, do you mean to tell me that you are crying because of something you’re reading in a book? In a trashy romance novel?”
“It isn’t a trashy romance novel,” she defended.
“What would you call it?”
“AJ, this book has been on the New York Times Top 10 Best Sellers List for the last two weeks, and probably will stay there for a while! I don’t know one woman at work who isn’t reading it.”
“And you’re the only person I know who is reading it.”
“I’ll bet that’s not true. I’ll bet all the women in your office are reading it; you just don’t know it!”
AJ chuckled. Harriett? Yes, she was probably reading it. Singer? Maybe. But Mac? No possible way! “Somehow I doubt that Colonel MacKenzie would be caught dead reading such drivel,” he said aloud.
“Drivel?! AJ, how can you call it drivel? You haven’t read it. You don’t even know what the story is about!”
“Don’t care to, either,” he commented.
“It is not drivel,” Deb insisted as she went back to her reading. AJ just smirked and tried to concentrate on the legal brief.
Fifteen minutes later, AJ felt something wet on his thigh. He looked down to see Deb’s tears flowing freely down her face and onto his leg. “Deb, if that book makes you so unhappy, why are you reading it?” he asked gently.
“It’s so sad,” she wailed.
“It’s a book, Darlin'. It’s fiction,” he reasoned with her. “Remember that and it won’t affect you so much.”
“AJ, even you would be affected by this, I know it. Listen,” replied Deb as she prepared to read to him.
“Darlin’, I don’t really want to hear...”
“Oh, no! You have to listen. You don’t believe it could be sad enough to make me cry. So you have to listen, and then you’ll know that I’m right.”
“Okay, Deb. But just a page or two, okay?” he compromised.
And Deb began reading aloud.
As I was ready to leave, Herb stopped me. “Maze?”
I turned around to look at him.
“You think it’s your fault. You
think you could have done something to prevent it...”
I heard his words but I couldn’t concentrate on
them. How could I? It was
my fault. If I had truly loved Andy,
this wouldn’t have happened. He’d still
be alive. And I’d be with him, in his
arms, right now. But he wasn’t
alive. He was dead, and it was my
fault. What did I say to Rob just
earlier? ‘God help me, Recots was right.
Whoever killed Andy did me a favor.’ And it was true. I didn’t
love Andy. I couldn’t love Andy. Not when I was so gone on my boss. ‘How
did I let this happen? Oh God, do I
have a headache.’ “I think I will
have some of that aspirin,” I said as I walked up to Herb.
I was in his bedroom. I was alone with him in his bedroom. The door was closed. The bed wasn’t five feet away from us. God, how I wanted him. How I wanted him to take me in his arms and
kiss me. Love me. Make love to me. But I knew he never would.
He didn’t care for me in that way.
I would never have his love. Hell,
I barely had his respect anymore.
As I reached for the bottle of aspirin he offered
me, he took my hands in his and held them.
A shiver of excitement ran through my body. I looked up at him and he was staring at me. ‘Could he possibly want
me? Could he want the same thing I
want?’ We moved our heads
closer. He lowered his lips to my
uplifted ones. We were so close, just a
breath apart. ‘He wants me! Dear God in
Heaven! He wants me!’ I thrilled to
the thought.
“This is a mistake,” he said in a husky voice.
‘No! No!
It’s not! It’s not a
mistake! I love you! I want you!
Oh, God! I need you! Don’t stop.
Please, don’t stop. Kiss
me. Love me. Take me’ I begged him in my thoughts. But my voice betrayed me. “Yes, Sir.”
And he lifted his head, blinking as though to
clear his mind. As Herb walked away
from me, I wanted to die. Why did I let
him reject me? Why didn’t I push? He wanted me. I know he did. What would
he have done if I’d disagreed with him?
If I’d said instead, “No, it isn’t,” and fused my mouth to his? Will I ever know?
Probably not. Because the next day in his office, he
called me a big girl. "She knows what's right. Don't you, Maze?" he'd said. There was no mistaking his meaning.
"Yes, Sir, I do,"
I said.
Deb sniffed loudly. “Now is that drivel?” she asked through her tears. AJ shook his head mutely; he was shaken to his very core. “It’s so sad,” she said.
“What’s this book called?” he asked, amazed that his voice sounded somewhat normal.
“ ‘Once I Had A Secret Love’,” replied Deb. “It’s a takeoff on the old song, I’m pretty sure. She hasn’t used the words of the song yet, but I’ll bet she does eventually.”
“Author?”
“Wade Cashingherd. It’s a pen name; it says so on the flyleaf.”
“Strange name, even for a pen name,” he commented.
“She probably just wanted to be sure no one would guess who she is. There’s some pretty heavy stuff in here. Very sexy. Very erotic. Everyone’s reading it now, AJ. Just everyone...”
AJ no longer heard what Deb was saying. He was thinking about the words she just read. The scene was so like the one between him and Mac a few years ago. It was his bedroom. His aspirin. And Dalton Lowne’s death. ‘It couldn’t be. It has to be a coincidence. Mac would never think those things about me. She’d certainly never have written them down to share with the world. And when would she have found the time to write such a book?’ He kept her too busy at JAG for that, and he knew it. Even her evenings were occupied with work. ‘But the words were the same. “This is a mistake.” "She knows what's right." ‘ No, it couldn’t be. It had to be a coincidence.
Sunday, 4 November 2001
0845 EST
Chegwidden Residence
McLean, Virginia
AJ strolled out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked at the bed and smiled as he watched his girlfriend stretch. “Good morning,” she said.
“It is that, Darlin’,” AJ replied. “It’s a gorgeous day outside.”
“Already?” she mumbled, stifling a yawn. “What time is it?” she asked.
“0845.”
“How long have you been up?”
“Only 2½ hours.”
“I guess you ran?” Deb asked him.
“Yes,” AJ said as he sat on the edge of the bed and bent over to kiss her. “And showered and shaved.”
“Mmm, you do smell good.”
“But I don’t smell like you anymore. And I like smelling like you.” AJ pulled the covers back and ran his hands over her body. “I like touching you, too,” he said seductively.
“AJ, didn’t you get enough of this last night?”
“Never get enough, Deb,” he replied.
“AJ, it’s too early. And I’m still sore from last night,” she complained.
“Sore? Did I hurt you? Deb, why didn’t you say something?” AJ was immediately concerned. “Deb, you have to tell me if I get too rough for you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you in any way.”
Deb looked at him with tears in her eyes. “Too rough? You want me to tell you when you’re too rough? Try every time we have sex, AJ. You’re pretty intense, you know.”
AJ raised his eyes and looked at her closely. Was she kidding? No, obviously not; she was very serious. She didn’t enjoy their lovemaking? ‘God, why didn’t I know this before now?’ he berated himself for not having been sensitive enough to pick up on her dissatisfaction. “Deb, are you saying that you don’t enjoy it when we make love?” he asked quietly.
“Of course I enjoy it, AJ. Well, the first time. At night. But why do we always have to do it several times and not just once? And why do we have to do it at all hours of the day? Sex is supposed to be a nighttime chore.”
AJ looked at her incredulously. “Chore?”
“Activity,” she corrected herself.
“You called it a chore. And you’ve never called it making love. It’s sex. Just an act, not a pleasurable activity. You really don’t enjoy it, do you?” he questioned her.
“Of course I enjoy it,” she snapped. “I just don’t think we have to do it every single day, several times a day. One time at night before we go to sleep is plenty.” Deb rolled over on the bed and hugged her pillow. "We're not living in a romance novel. Real life is different; people don't have sex all day long."
“I see,” replied AJ, standing up.
"You certainly give off a different appearance when you’re all proper in your uniform. I had no idea you were...”
AJ didn’t hear the rest.
He had grabbed his robe from the hook on the closet door and headed for
the kitchen. ‘Damn! Why didn’t I know
she felt this way? I’ve been seeing her
for what? Three months? And now I find out she doesn’t enjoy making
love. Hell, she doesn’t even consider
it that. It’s just down and dirty sex
to her. Damn, Chegwidden. She’s got to go.’
Sunday, 4 November 2001
1225 EST
Chegwidden Residence
McLean, Virginia
AJ was outside in the yard raking leaves as Deb packed her belongings into her weekend bag. She was almost packed when the phone rang. “Hello?” she answered brightly.
“I’m sorry, I must have the wrong number,” a female voice said.
“Are you calling AJ Chegwidden?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“You have the right number. Just a minute, and I’ll get him.” Deb opened the front door and yelled outside, “AJ! Honey! Telephone!”
AJ laid the rake down and walked to the door, taking the phone from Deb’s hand. “Thanks, Darlin’,” he said. “Chegwidden.”
“I’m sorry to bother you, Sir. I didn’t realize you had company.”
“Not a problem, Mac. What’s up?” he asked, delighted to hear her voice on the weekend.
“Not important, Admiral. I’ll, um, I’ll just talk to you about it tomorrow at the office,” Mac hedged. “Sorry to bother you, Sir. Enjoy your... guest, Sir.”
“Mac, what is it?” But the line was dead. ‘Now what the hell was that all about?’ he wondered. He looked at the caller ID on the phone. ‘What’s she doing at the office on a Sunday afternoon?’ AJ looked inside the living room and saw Deb’s bag at the door. “You ready to go?” he asked her.
“Yes, I thought I’d go on home a little early today. I have to do the laundry before tomorrow, and it’s always easier to get a machine in the afternoon than at night. You don’t mind, do you, AJ?” she asked, after the fact.
“Of course not,” he said as he walked into the house. “Let me get my keys, and I’ll take you home.”
They rode the entire 20 miles to Deb’s apartment in complete silence, neither of them uttering a sound. When AJ pulled up in front of her apartment, he started to get out to see Deb to the door. She stopped him by laying a hand on his arm. “AJ. I’m fine to go up by myself. You don’t need to go with me.”
“Deb, I always see a lady to her door.”
“AJ, I hurt your feelings this morning, I know. And I’m sorry.” She paused. “Maybe it would be better if we didn’t see each other anymore.” AJ stared at her, not saying a word. “We’re very different people, AJ. I don’t enjoy the same things you do.”
“No, I guess not. I wish you’d told me earlier in our relationship that you didn’t enjoy sex,” he said softly.
“I’m sorry, AJ. I guess I thought after a while you’d either figure it out, or maybe you’d just get your fill and then we could have a normal relationship.”
“Normal?”
“But you never get enough. You always want more. God, AJ, you’re insatiable. I want a normal relationship, AJ.”
“I see. And I don’t?”
“No. You want an erotic one. And that’s just not me. I didn’t know you were a letch when I met you.”
“Now I’m a letch?” he asked incredulously.
“I don’t mean that in a bad way, AJ. It just describes you. It... fits. And we don’t. Fit. Goodbye, AJ.” Deb opened her door and climbed out of the AJ’s Escalade. “Please,” she said as he opened his door. “I’d rather go up alone. I’m sorry, AJ.” She grabbed her bag and ran inside.
AJ sat in the car, dumbfounded. He shook his head, “How the hell did I ever end up with her? And why didn’t I know what she was like after three months?” He knew the answer. It was because he usually closed his eyes when he kissed her mouth. If he didn’t see her face, he could imagine her being Mac. And he did. Most of the time. Much the way he’d done with Sydney. Even Laura. And all the others over the last six years. “Oh, Mac,” he sighed.
Sunday, 4 November 2001
1410 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
AJ decided to drop by the office before he headed home. When Mac called earlier, she was at the office. Maybe she was still there. AJ smiled as he drove in the parking lot, seeing Mac’s bright red Corvette.
He walked up the stairs and into the bullpen, noticing that Mac’s light was the only one on. But no, that wasn’t true, he noticed as he looked further. His office light was on, too. And Mac wasn’t in her office. He approached his office quietly; he didn’t want to startle her, but he wanted to know what she was doing in his office on a Sunday afternoon. Just as he reached the doorway, she turned off the light and walked out, and ran right into his chest. “Oh!” she exclaimed as his arms went around her to steady her and keep her from attacking him. One thing you never want to do is surprise a Marine.
“Easy, Mac,” he said softly. “It’s just me.”
She looked up to see that it really was him. “Admiral, Sir! What are you doing here?” She wiggled her arms a little in a request for him to release her. She’d really rather he take her completely in his arms and make love to her, but that was out of the question, she knew. He smelled wonderful, and he looked even better. He’d obviously been doing light yard work and hadn’t taken time to clean up.
He did release one arm but held the other fast. He reached up and wiped wetness from her face. “Mac, you’ve been crying. Care to tell me what’s wrong?” he asked gently.
“Actually, no, Sir. I’d rather not,” she said quietly. “Please, Admiral, I was just leaving.” She wiggled her arm, again, hoping he’d release her now. He did, and she headed for her own office.
“Mac, why are you here on a Sunday afternoon when you don’t have any cases pending for tomorrow? And why did you call me earlier and then hang up on me? Don’t tell me why you were crying if you don’t want to, but I want answers to the other two questions,” he said firmly.
“I was catching up on paperwork, Admiral. I didn’t have anything else to do this weekend, so I’ve been working. I had a question about a case that came up while I was on TDY, so I called you. I figured it out on my own, so I don’t need to bother you with it. I was just finished, and now I’m going home to Jingo, a pizza, and a good book.”
“Not reading ‘Once I Had A Secret Love’ by any chance, are you, Mac?” he joked.
Her head jerked around to look at him. “No, Sir.
I don’t read romance novels,” she said carefully. ‘How
the hell does he know about my book?’ she wondered. ‘I
didn’t expect him to even hear about it, let alone know the title! Oh, God.
I hope he doesn’t read it!!’
“What do you read, Mac?” he asked casually.
“Historical biographies mostly, Sir.”
“Jingo, a pizza, and a biography,” he commented. “Sounds like an exciting afternoon.”
“I’m sure yours will be much more... satisfying. Sir,” she added.
AJ looked at her curiously. ‘Satisfying? Oh yes, she talked to Deb on the phone. Damn, if I didn’t know better, I’d say she was jealous of her!’ “Mine? Yes, you’re probably right. I do get a real satisfaction from seeing my lawn free of leaves in November. Even if it does only stay that way for an hour.”
“Excuse me, Sir?” she said, obviously surprised by his comment.
“Raking leaves, Mac. That’s how I’ll be spending the rest of my afternoon. I started earlier, but had to quit for a while and take Deb home. I’ll go back to it as soon as I get back to the house.” He noticed Mac stiffen slightly when he said Deb’s name. ‘Damn, she is jealous!’ He thrilled at the prospect.
Mac said wistfully, “I always enjoy raking leaves. We never had any to rake when I was growing up, and in an apartment, of course…”
“You’re welcome to come rake at my house anytime, Mac,” he offered. Mac lifted her eyes to him in question. “I’m serious. You enjoy raking leaves. I have lots of leaves that need to be raked. Every damn day! But I only do them on the weekends. Please, feel free to come and rake anytime your heart desires.”
‘My heart desires more at your house than raking leaves, AJ. My heart desires you!’ Mac replied, “I don’t think your girlfriend would want me hanging around, Admiral. Not even just to rake leaves.”
“Don’t have a girlfriend just now, Mac. So there’s no one to mind,” he replied softly. “Come on with me this afternoon, and I’ll even feed you dinner.”
“Dinner, Sir?”
“Hell, Mac. If you don’t come, it’ll be Chinese take-out and legal briefs. And I don’t even have a Jingo to curl up with. And if you do come, I’ll fix spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread. How’s that sound?”
‘Dangerous, that’s how it sounds.’ “It sounds wonderful, Sir. But, if I may ask, who answered your phone this afternoon? Wasn’t it Deb Marshall?”
“Yes, it was Debbie. She’s not, well, ... let me put it gently. She dumped me this afternoon,” he said with a smirk.
“She dumped you?” she asked shaking her head. “Stupid woman,” Mac muttered as she walked to her office to close up. ‘Where does he find such stupid women? First Dr. Walden and now this one? God, are they blind?’
Mac hadn’t answered him, so AJ didn’t know if she was agreeing to come home with him or not. ‘Probably not,’ he thought. ‘Probably for the best.’
So he was surprised when she grabbed her jacket and said, “You ready to go rake some leaves, Admiral?”
“Absolutely!”
Sunday, 4 November 2001
1655 EST
Chegwidden Residence
McLean, Virginia
AJ and Mac made a race of raking the yard. They divided the unraked portions of the yard in two. Every few minutes, AJ glanced over to see how far along Mac was. Then a few minutes later, Mac looked to see how much more AJ had completed. Now they were both on the last stretch. They were both moving so quickly, they’d discarded their jackets early on. Both of them wore t-shirts and jeans, and both of them were starting to wish they wore shorts even in the chilly 45-degree temperature. Mac raked like mad, knowing she was going to have blisters on her hands when she finished. ‘I should have accepted those garden gloves he offered,’ she mused. ‘Oh well; too late now.’
“Finished! What do I win?” AJ whispered in Mac’s ear, startling her.
“Oh!” she exclaimed. As she turned to face him, she tripped over her rake and fell squarely into his arms. But because her foot was still tangled with the rake, and AJ still had hold of his rake and now Mac, he lost his balance, too, and they both fell to the ground.
AJ threw his rake aside and put his arms around Mac when he saw tears streaming down her face. “Mac, are you hurt? Are you okay?” he asked urgently. She looked up at him with a bright smile. She was laughing so hard, she was crying. “You’re laughing? Those aren’t tears of pain?” he wanted to be sure.
Mac nodded, then she shook her head. She gasped for air as she spoke. “No! I’m not hurt. That was so funny! I can’t help it. To see your face when we started going down... it was just hysterical!”
“Oh, so you like seeing me fall on my face, hmm?” he asked.
“No, Sir! On your ass!!” she laughed. Then she gasped at his serious expression. “Oh, God! Sir, I’m sorry,” but she was still laughing.
AJ couldn’t hold it in any longer. His frown cracked and he was suddenly laughing right along with Mac. He folded her in his arms and they rolled over and over on the ground, right through Mac’s last pile of leaves. “Hey!” she yelled. “You’re going to have to rake these back up, you know!”
Their faces were mere inches from each other. Both knew what they wanted. Both knew they couldn’t have it. And neither believed the other wanted it anyway. Finally AJ stood up and helped Mac to her feet. She began brushing the leaves off of her clothes, and AJ did the same on himself. When AJ turned around, Mac laughed. "Here, let me get these off your back," she offered as he brushed her hands across his broad expanse.
When she finished, he physically turned her around and began brushing the leaves from Mac's back. His hands moved slowly, almost massaging her as they went. 'God, how I'd love to take her right now. She's the most sexy... Get a grip, Chegwidden!' “I’ll go get the leaf bags,” he said abruptly and walked to the garage.
Mac decided to pull the few weeds out of the plant bed to the side of the house. She gathered them up in her arms and brought them over to one of her leaf piles. AJ was working on another pile and having a little difficulty keeping the bag open while stuffing it with leaves. “Hey, Mac; I could use a little help over here,” he called.
He instructed her how to hold the bag open “just so”, and he dumped the leaves in the bag. It was then that AJ got a look at her palms. He dropped the rake, took off his gloves, and took her hands in his, turning them over and examining them. “Mac, these are going to hurt like hell for a while. Those are bad blisters. Why didn’t you say something?”
Mac laughed it off. “We were in the middle of a race, Admiral. I figured you’d call it if I complained about a few little blisters.”
“These aren’t little blisters, Mac. They’re big ones. And they’re going to hurt,” he said as he absently rubbed her hands and arms. “You need to clean them up and put some medicine on them before they get infected.”
“I’m fine, Sir. They really don’t hurt much yet. Let’s finish this, then I’ll clean them up.” He didn’t look convinced. “It’d be a shame to let the wind blow all these leaves back in the yard, Admiral,” she coerced him.
“All right. But you don’t touch anything except the paper bags from now until those hands are taken care of. Understood?”
“Aye, Sir,” she reluctantly agreed as he pulled his gloves back on.
"So, you never answered my question. What did I win?"
"Whatever you want," she quipped.
AJ's hands stilled for a moment, and he looked up at Mac's face. His eyes were dark with desire. "Whatever I want?" he asked.
She smiled. "Within reason, of course," she added.
"Damn. I knew you'd put a clause in there," he joked. "I'll have to think about it. I'll tell you after dinner."
When they finally got to the last pile of leaves, AJ noticed the weeds on the top of the pile. “Oh God. Mac, tell me that you didn’t pull these barehanded?”
“Yes, Sir. Why? They really weren’t difficult. They pretty well just came right out of the dirt. It looked like you’d pulled all around them but missed these.”
“I didn’t miss them, Mac. I sprayed them with RoundUp yesterday. I was going to pull them up in two weeks after the roots were dead.”
“Oops. I’m sorry, Admiral. I didn’t realize.”
“You obviously also didn’t realize that this is poison ivy.”
Mac’s head jerked up to look at him. “Oh my God! I didn’t even think. Of course it is! I know only too well what poison ivy looks like. Oh, damn!”
Sunday, 4 November 2001
1835 EST
Chegwidden Residence
McLean, Virginia
AJ and Mac finished the yard work and went inside. “I’ll get the sauce thawing out. You can go ahead and get your shower, if
you’d like, Mac. Use the guest
bath. Do you have clothes or do you
need something to put on?”
“I have a bag in the trunk of my car,” she said as she grabbed her keys and headed outside to her car.
When she returned and walked in the bathroom, she found AJ there. He had pulled out some towels for her to use and found a bottle of shampoo that Francesca had left. “When you finish, we’ll take care of those hands,” he promised as he left. Mac closed the door behind him. ‘Hmm, she didn’t lock it,’ he noticed. ‘Damn, I wish that was an invitation.’
Mac leaned on the bathroom door, trying to hear him. ‘Has he left? Did he realize I didn’t lock the door? Would he know that means I want him to come back? To shower with me? Of course he’d know it. But he’d never do it. Maybe if I opened the door a little?’ She told herself, “He doesn’t want you, Sarah MacKenzie. Just deal with it and move on.”
When Mac finished her shower and dressed, she walked out to the kitchen. She found AJ dressed in a gray Navy SeAL t-shirt and black jeans. ‘He looks good enough to eat,’ Mac thought. “Anything I can do to help with dinner, Sir?” she asked.
AJ turned around and smiled. Mac was lovely, even in a pair of Marine sweats and a Semper Fi t-shirt. “Don’t you have any decent clothes?” he teased.
“Decent?” she asked as she quickly looked down at herself. Was there a gaping hole that she hadn’t seen?
“Navy. This is, after all, a Navy house.”
Mac chuckled. He was joking with her. “Don’t have any Navy clothes, Admiral. Of course, I don’t know that I’d wear one if I had it, but it’s difficult to know when there isn’t a one in my entire wardrobe!” she teased back.
“Have to take care of that,” he muttered to himself.
“Sir?” she hadn’t quite heard him.
“Have to take care of those hands of yours,” he said with a smirk. “Come on.” AJ walked out of the kitchen and into his bedroom. Mac stopped at the doorway. AJ kept going and went in his bathroom. When he turned and Mac wasn’t behind him, he walked back in the bedroom and saw her standing in the doorway. “Something wrong, Mac?”
“I didn’t think you’d want me trespassing in your bedroom, Sir,” she said softly.
His thoughts ran wild. ‘Trespassing? Oh, Mac. You could never be trespassing anywhere in my home. And I would love to have you in my bedroom, again.’ But his spoken words were simply, “The first aid supplies are in my bathroom, Mac. Come on.”
Mac walked quickly through the bedroom and into his bathroom. AJ picked up her hands and examined them, again. “Damn, every one of them is broken open. Mac, this is really going to be painful for the next couple of days at least. And with poison ivy on top of it? You may end up having to go see a doctor.”
“I just hope you don’t end up with poison ivy, too, Sir. You touched my hands and arms right after I’d been handling it, before I’d washed at all. And now, doctoring them. You really should wear gloves, Admiral.”
“No point in it now, Mac,” he said as he applied ointment to her blistered palms. Then he rubbed Cortisone cream into her hands and arms, hoping to lessen the severity of the poison ivy reaction.
‘Mmm, it feels so good to have him touch me. Caress me. Oh, AJ, love me. Please. Take me and love me,’ her thoughts were running wild. “Your turn,” she said picking up the tube of Cortisone cream. AJ looked at her questioningly. “You should have this on, too, Admiral. It might help prevent your even breaking out, since you didn’t touch the weed directly.”
“You’re probably right. I can do it on myself, though, Mac.”
“No, Sir,” she said shaking her head. “You played doctor with me. It’s my turn,” she said suggestively.
AJ grinned as he held out his hands to her. God, how he’d love to really play doctor with Mac.
Sunday, 4 November 2001
2045 EST
Chegwidden Residence
McLean, Virginia
AJ and Mac finished their dinner, and Mac complimented him one more time on his spaghetti and meatballs. He stood up and cleared the table. When Mac began to collect the utensils, he stopped her. “Sit, Mac. You need to rest your hands. Just sit and I’ll take care of the dishes.”
Mac reluctantly agreed. When the phone rang a few minutes later, AJ was up to his elbows in soapsuds. “Want me to get that, Sir?” AJ nodded. She picked up the receiver from the wall phone. “Chegwidden residence.”
“Who is this? Mac?”
“Francesca! Hello! Yes, it’s Mac. How are you?”
“Wonderful. And you are well?”
“Yes, doing just fine. Your father is playing the domestic right now and washing dishes. Let me take over for him so he can talk.” Mac tucked the phone at her chin and handed him a towel. AJ dried his hands.
“Wait! Mac, Papà is doing the dishes? And you are there? Who else is there?” Francesca asked.
“No one. Just us. I helped him rake leaves in the yard this afternoon, so in payment, he fed me,” she said lightly. “Here’s your father,” and she handed the receiver to AJ.
“Francesca! Hello, Sweetheart." He turned to Mac just before she put her hands in the sink. "Mac, no! I don't want your hands in that water. They're too sensitive right now. Leave the dishes, and I'll finish them later." He turned his attention back to his daughter.
“Hello, Papà. I am sorry to interrupt your evening with Mac. I thought you would have Debbie there,” she said with a definite dislike in her tone.
“There is no more Debbie, Darlin’.”
“You dropped her? I am so glad.”
“The word is 'dumped', not 'dropped', and no, she dumped me, Sweetheart.”
“What? What kind of stupid woman is she?”
AJ chuckled. It was okay for him to dump a woman Francesca didn’t like, but not the other way around. “It was for the best, Francesca. I would have stopped seeing her soon, anyway. So, when are you coming for a visit?”
“I thought I would come for your Thanksgiving holiday week if that is acceptable?”
“Absolutely! I would love to have you here for Thanksgiving week. Hell, I’d love to have you here anytime you want to come, Darlin’.”
“Then I will arrive on Saturday, the 17th. And I will leave the following week on Sunday. That is good, yes?” she asked.
“That is good, yes,” he affirmed with a smile. “Be sure to send me an e-mail and give me your flight information.”
“I will, Papà. I will let you go now. We will talk another time. I do not wish to keep you from Mac.”
“Francesca... “
“Arrivederci, Papà. Have a wonderful evening, and be sure you kiss her goodnight. I love you!”
“Francesca, there’s... “ but he was speaking to a dial tone.
“She’s coming for Thanksgiving week? That’s wonderful, Sir,” Mac said as he hung up the receiver.
“Yes, it’s been a long while since she’s been here. I’ve missed her.”
“I’m sure you have, Sir.” Mac walked through the guest room into the bathroom and collected her belongings. When she turned around, AJ was standing in the doorway watching her. “It’s getting late, Admiral. I should be going now,” she said in explanation. AJ nodded mutely. “Thank you, again, for dinner. It was all delicious.”
Mac picked up her bag and started to carry it out to the living room. AJ stepped up and took it from her. He let her pass and he followed her. She picked up her keys and they walked out to her car. She popped the trunk and AJ set her bag inside. He noticed the book on the floor of the trunk. ‘How about that. She doesn’t read romance novels, but she has a copy of the latest best seller in her trunk. Interesting.’ He walked around to the driver’s side of the car and opened her door. Once she settled herself inside, he handed her the seatbelt. “Take care of those hands, Mac. Don’t make them worse. And be sure to put more ointment on them. And mind the poison ivy, too.”
“I will, Sir. Thank you.” Mac started the engine. Just as she turned to say goodbye, AJ lowered his head and kissed her.
He’d meant to kiss her cheek, the way she had his once several years ago. But she turned, and his kiss landed on her mouth. Mac’s eyes grew wide and then fluttered shut, as he continued the kiss, reaching his hands to cup her face. It was a sweet kiss, soft and gentle. When he released her, he spoke quietly. “I was under a direct order to do that, Mac. From my daughter. Now when she comes here in a couple of weeks, you can tell her I did as I was told,” he smirked.
“I’ll do that, Sir. Good night, Admiral.” Mac backed the car out of his driveway and headed for her Georgetown apartment.
Monday, 5 November 2001
0845 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Mac walked into the noisy bullpen and tried to get to her office quickly. But as luck would have it, Harm saw her and called to her from across the room. “Hey, Marine! You’re late!”
Mac just shrugged and kept walking. She set her briefcase on her desk and rubbed her hands together. “Ouch, that thing is heavy,” she complained to no one.
“My God, Mac!” exclaimed Harm. He had followed her into her office and saw her hands and arms. “What happened to you?”
“Blisters, Harm. They’re just blisters,” she passed it off lightly.
“Not just, Mac. You’ve got poison ivy, too. And bad.” Harm turned back to the bullpen and called, “Harriett! Come here for a minute?”
“Certainly, Commander,” Harriett replied. “Yes, Sir?” she asked when she walked in the room. “Oh my God! Colonel, look at you! That’s poison ivy, Ma’am.”
“No kidding,” quipped Mac. “Yes, it is poison ivy. I didn’t pay attention yesterday when I was pulling some weeds, and I grabbed a bunch of it up in my arms.”
“What about the blisters, Mac?” asked Harm just as Petty Officer Tiner called them all to the staff meeting. “We’d better go. Tiner and Gunny said the Admiral isn’t in the best of moods this morning.”
They all grabbed their portfolios and headed for the conference room. As they took their seats around the table, everyone began looking at the Admiral’s hands. Then at Mac’s. Then the Admiral’s. Then Mac’s.
Finally he’d had enough. “Yes, people, I have poison ivy, too. No, it is not a coincidence that the Colonel and I both have it at the same time. She did me a favor yesterday afternoon and helped me rake up the leaves in my yard. Unfortunately, she also pulled some weeds and they happened to be poison ivy.”
“But Admiral, how did you get it if the Colonel is the one who pulled them up?” asked Bud in his ever naïve manner.
AJ was loathe to explain, and Mac took up the story. “I was holding the bags open for the Admiral to put the leaves in. He saw the blisters on my hands for the first time and stopped to examine them.” Mac turned her hands over for all to see. The blisters looked very bad, swollen, weeping, and raw. “I had just pulled the poison ivy up not 5 minutes before and hadn’t washed yet. Didn’t even realize what it was at that point. So he got it from touching my hands.” Mac looked over at the Admiral. He was trying very hard not to scratch. “I am sorry, Sir,” she said softly.
“Not your fault, Colonel,” he replied gruffly. “Okay, people, let’s get down to business.”
When the staff meeting was over an hour later, AJ was the first one out the door. He was about half way to his office when he realized he’d left his glasses on the conference room table. He spun around on his heel and headed back to get them. As he reached the room, he heard Harriett’s voice.
“Oh, but it’s so good, Colonel. You really must read it!”
“Harriett, I don’t read romance novels,” Mac insisted.
“Colonel, I don't read them as a rule either. But this one is pretty spectacular,” said Lieutenant Singer. “I have to agree with Harriett, Ma’am. It’s definitely a winner. You should read it.”
“What’s it called, again?” Mac asked as though she didn’t know.
“ ‘Once I Had A Secret Love’, isn’t it, Lieutenants?” quipped the Admiral as he walked in.
“Admiral, Sir!” exclaimed Harriett.
“Yes, Sir. That’s the title. I’m surprised, Admiral, that you’re familiar with the book,” said Singer, unfazed by his sudden appearance.
“I’ve heard of it, Lieutenant. Haven’t read it. Don’t plan to.”
‘Thank God for small favors!’ thought Mac. ‘Damn! I had no idea the book would be so popular or I’d never have had it published! Who could have known!’
“Oh, but Sir! It’s a wonderful book! It’s so... real. The author pulls you right in to the story and you feel like it’s you it’s all happening to,” gushed Harriett.
“Harriett, don’t get carried away. It is just a book,” said Singer.
Monday, 5 November 2001
1845 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia
Mac was juggling her briefcase from one hand to the other as she made her way to the elevator. AJ came up behind her and took the case from her grasp. “Mac, you’re going to need a case on wheels for a while. Or just don’t take work home with you this week,” he said as they boarded the elevator.
“I don’t have a case on wheels, Sir. And not taking work home isn’t an option unless I stay here until midnight every night,” Mac explained.
“Then you need to get a case on wheels.” The elevator opened on the ground floor and they headed for her car. “Mac, I mean it. You need to get a case on wheels tonight. I don’t want you carrying this thing until your hands are well.”
“Admiral, I have so much to do tonight. I’ll get one tomorrow at lunch. And I’ll have someone else carry this in for me tomorrow morning,” she suggested. At his look of disbelief, she said, “I promise! I will.”
Mac unlocked her car and AJ opened the driver’s door for her. She settled in the seat, and he handed her the seatbelt. She smiled at him, remembering when he did that the prior evening. He’d kissed her next. She knew better than to expect that, again, especially in the office parking lot. AJ slid her briefcase behind her seat. “I’ll see you later, Mac,” he said quietly. "I still didn't get my winnings from our little race yesterday."
Monday, 5 November 2001
2045 EST
Sarah MacKenzie’s Apartment
Georgetown, Washington, DC
Mac had gotten quite comfortable when she arrived home. She changed out of her Marine greens into a soft flannel nightgown. She was warm enough without a robe, so she draped that over the end of the sofa. Her feet were snuggled in her warm fuzzy slippers on which Jingo loved to rest his muzzle. She sat on the sofa with one foot tucked underneath her and the other on the floor... for Jingo’s benefit. Mac was reading a file when Jingo woofed. A second later, her doorbell rang.
“You’re better than a doorbell, Jingo,” she praised the dog as she got up and looked through the peephole. “Oh my God! What is he doing here?” Mac opened the door, without even thinking about donning her robe. “Admiral. Sir, is something wrong?” she asked hurriedly.
AJ stood in the doorway and gazed at Mac. ‘God, she’s gorgeous.’ Her flannel nightgown had a sweetheart neckline that showed a good deal of cleavage. And there was also a slit in the front of the gown 3/4 of the way up her thigh. “I had no idea they made flannel nightgowns that looked like that.”
Mac looked down at herself and blushed. She turned to get her robe. “I’m sorry, Sir. I didn’t even think.”
“Mac, you’re fully covered; your evening gowns show more than that nightgown. I just didn’t realize they made sexy flannel nightgowns. I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have said anything.” AJ walked in to Mac’s apartment. “I stopped at the store and picked up a rolling briefcase for you,” he said as he set the box on the coffee table and opened it.
“Oh, Sir! You didn’t have to do that! I would have gone to get one tomorrow at lunch. Admiral, really...”
“I told you I wanted you to have one tonight. I meant it. Since you were busy and I wasn’t, I went and bought it for you. No big deal. Now, how are your hands?” he asked as he reached for them. He turned them over to examine her palms. Then he pushed the sleeves of her nightgown up to look at the poison ivy on her arms. “Could be worse. Could definitely be worse,” he commented. “I think the poison ivy will be gone within the week, so long as you keep the medicine on it. But these blisters? Damn, Mac, why didn’t you ask for gloves? I offered them to you; why didn’t you take them?”
“I didn’t realize, Sir. As I told you, I seldom have the opportunity to rake leaves or do any other kind of yard work. I guess I just didn’t realize my hands would be so tender. They’re not usually, but I guess a rake just hits other parts of my palms than I’m used to.”
AJ turned them back over and patted them. “Well, they could be worse, too, and I’m glad they’re not. But they’re going to hurt for a while. And you shouldn’t have them in dishwater.”
“I haven’t, Sir. My dishes are starting to pile up. I’ll get a pair of rubber gloves at the grocery store tomorrow so I can wash the dishes.”
“Good idea. In the meantime, I’ll do the ones you have now,” he released her hands and headed for the kitchen.
“Admiral, no! Please, Sir, you don’t need to do my dishes,” Mac argued as she and Jingo followed him.
“Not a problem, Mac. You did me a favor yesterday. I’m just returning it in a small way.” AJ started running the water in the sink to get it hot. "And I still have to collect my winnings, you know."
“A small way? Admiral, you’ve more than repaid that favor. And besides, I enjoyed it completely, Sir.”
AJ turned to face Mac. “I was referring to your allowing me to kiss you, Mac,” he said quietly, cupping her face with his right hand.
“Oh,” she replied quietly. “Well, I enjoyed that even more, Sir,” she dared.
AJ sucked in his breath. He traced his thumb along her mouth. “I would love to do it, again. On purpose. Last night’s was meant for your cheek and you moved, so I got lucky.”
“I know that, Admiral.”
“You also know that we can’t do this, Mac. It would ruin both our careers,” he said sadly.
Mac nodded. “I know that, too, Admiral.” ‘I also know that I’d give up my career for you. If only I knew you wanted me. Really wanted me. Forever wanted me.’ She decided to change the subject. "You haven't told me what you want for your winnings yet, Sir."
"Haven't I?" he said huskily. AJ turned back to the sink and began washing dishes in silence.
Mac went back to the living room and sat on the sofa with Jingo resting his muzzle on her slippers. She was very confused. From everything he said tonight, it sounded like he did want her. But how could he? She wasn't good enough for him. She had made so many errors in judgment. And she was his subordinate. No, she decided that she was reading into his actions and words; she was hearing what she wanted to hear, and not the truth.
When AJ finished the dishes, he returned to the living room and saw Mac on the sofa. ‘God, how I want to take her in my arms right now!’ “I should go,” he said. Mac started to shuffle things around to get up and see him to the door. “No, don’t get up. I’ll let myself out. Just be sure to bolt the door before you go to bed.” And with that, AJ left, locking the doorknob before pulling it closed.
Mac finally took the time to look at the case he bought for her. It was leather. Genuine leather. “He must have paid at least $100 for this!” She unzipped the main compartment and found a wrapped gift. “What on earth? As if this case wasn't enough!” Mac took the soft package out of the case and unwrapped it. She started laughing. “I don’t believe it! A Navy t-shirt and sweats, shirt and pants!! Why that... They’re my size!” she said in amazement. The card drifted to the ground, and Mac picked it up and read it.
“Mac, now you have some decent clothes to wear at a Navy house. Enjoy, AJ”
Mac laughed all the more. She read the card, again, and then noticed how he'd signed it. "AJ," she read aloud and smiled remembering the wonderful warmth of his lips on hers the night before.