The Mask - Part 3

Tuesday, 9 April 2002
0635 HST
Hauiki Road
Kapaa, Kauai, Hawaii

AJ was out for his early-morning run.  He'd been gone for over a week now, and he still thought about Mac every waking minute... and every dream he had at night was filled with her dressed as Portia.  He pressed on, determined to get her out of his system.

"I've never had this problem before, getting a woman out of my thoughts," he said aloud.  

'That's a lie and you know it,' his inner voice told him.

"Marcella was my wife.  That was different."

'Not so very different.  You loved Marcella.  You love Mac.'

"I can't love Mac.  It's against regs."

'As Nelson said, she can be moved.'

"That's not fair to her."

'You don't even know what she wants.  Maybe it's you she'd rather have than staying at JAG.'

"Not likely."

'Why not?  You not good enough for her?  Rabb is better?'

"She wants Rabb.  She always has."

'Not always.  She almost kissed you in your bedroom once several years ago.  Remember?'

"No, I don't."

'The hell you don't!'

"That was a long time ago."

'She made love to you in February like there was no tomorrow.'

"She didn't know it was me."

'She knew it wasn't Rabb, though!  If she wants Rabb so much, why was she with you?'

"She didn't know it was me," AJ repeated.

'Why was she with anyone other than Rabb?'

"The hell if I know!"

'Give her a chance.  Tell her it was you.  See what she says.'

"I can't do that."

'Why not?'

"Because I can't."

'You're afraid?  The big bad Admiral is afraid she won't want you?'

"No!"

'What then?'

"I'm afraid she will."

Friday, 19 April 2002
1745 EDT
McMurphy's Tavern
Falls Church, Virginia

Mac walked into the tavern and approached the bar where the other JAG officers were already gathered.  "Well, Mac!  You decided to join the ranks, again, eh?" teased Harm.

"Vodka on the rocks," she told the bartender.  He looked at her quizzically but turned around to fill her order.  The others were silent.  As he turned back and set the drink in front of her, Mac put her hand around the glass.  She lifted it to her lips.

"Why, Mac?" asked Harm.

"None of your business," she said coldly, getting ready to take a swig of the alcohol.

"It is my business when my best friend wants to..."

Mac slammed the glass down on the counter and turned on him.  "Your best friend!?" she spat.  "You have the nerve to call me that?  After all you've done in the last couple of months?  After all you've said?"

"Mac, what is it?  What's bothering you?" Harm said gently.

Mac picked up the glass, again.  "Nothing."

"You still haven't heard from him, have you?  Not since the clover?" Harm asked.  She glared at him.  "Mac, it was supposed to be a one-night stand, remember?  That's what they've always been.  None of the other women even received flowers afterwards.  You know that..."

"Shut up, Harm.  Just shut up!" Mac screamed.  She threw the glass at the mirror behind the bar, and ran out.

"Mac!" he called after her.

Harriett laid her hand on Harm's arm.  "Let her go, Commander."

"Harriett, what happened to us?  Why does she hate me all of a sudden?"

The bartender was on his knees picking up the pieces of glass behind the counter when he saw two pairs of shoes in front of him.  He looked up to find Bud and Sturgis.  "We'll take care of this, Larry.  The Colonel is having a little trouble right now.  Sorry about the mirror.  We'll pay for a new one," said Bud.

Sunday, 28 April 2002
0935 HST
Ikena Nani Loa Bed & Breakfast
Kapaa, Kauai, Hawaii

AJ packed his bags; his flight home was that afternoon.  He'd been in Hawaii for almost 4 weeks.  He'd seen old friends and made new ones.  He'd taken half a dozen women to bed before he realized that every one of them resembled Mac in some way.

"This has to stop!" he told himself.  

Finally it was time to head for home, and AJ was glad.  When he stopped to think about why he was glad to be leaving, he realized that it wasn't because he missed his house or his job or his vehicle or his friends.  He missed Mac.  Plain and simple.

"Damn!  This month hasn't helped at all," he muttered.

Wednesday, 1 May 2002
0830 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

AJ walked into the bullpen and heard Tiner's loud, "Attention on deck!"  Everyone quickly stood and came to attention stance.  

AJ looked around and smiled.  He really had missed this place, Mac most of all, but this place, too.  "As you were," he said.

"Welcome back, Sir!"  "Welcome home, Admiral."  "Good to see you, Sir."  "We missed you, Admiral."   The greetings came from all over the bullpen.  

AJ nodded his thanks.  "Good to be back."  He walked into his office and saw Mac sitting at his desk gathering her papers together.

"Admiral, it's good to have you back, Sir.  I'll be out of your way here in just a moment."

"Didn't think I was coming back, eh, Colonel?" he said lightly.  "Rather liked sitting behind that big desk?"

She looked up at him and tried to smile.  "That's everything," she said standing up and picking up her pile of folders.  "When you're ready for a briefing, just let me know, Admiral."

"Mac?  Everything okay?" he asked, concern lacing his voice.  "You don't look like you feel well."

"I'm fine, Sir.  If that will be all?"  AJ nodded, and Mac turned and left quickly.

"Tiner!" the Admiral bellowed.  Tiner came hurrying in.  "Tiner, has the Colonel been sick?"

Tiner shook his head slowly.  "No, Sir.  Not sick, exactly."

"Not sick, exactly?  What does that mean... exactly?" asked AJ, annoyed with Tiner's reply.

"Well, Sir, no one seems to really know."

Friday, 3 May 2002
1700 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

AJ spent the rest of the week catching up on the events that occurred during his absence. Mac was with him much of the time, bringing him up to speed. On Friday afternoon, they finished up at 1700 on the nose. "Plans for the weekend, Colonel?" AJ asked her as she was ready to leave his office.

"No, Sir."

"Supposed to be a beautiful weekend, Mac. You should take a quick trip somewhere. The shore, the mountains, someplace," he advised.

"Don't really care to go alone, Sir."

"What ever happened between you and…"

"I don't care to discuss him, if you don't mind, Admiral," Mac interrupted, thinking he was referring to Brutus.  AJ, however, meant Harm.

AJ leveled his gaze at Mac. "Very well. I'm sorry I intruded on your private life, Colonel."

"It's not…"

"That'll be all. Dismissed," he said, feeling like she'd just slapped him.

Mac turned and left his office. 'I can't believe I was so rude to him. He's been so kind, so polite this week. Why did I have to be so mean?'

AJ walked through the bullpen, briefcase in hand, heading for the exit, when Harriett stopped him. "Admiral? A bunch of us are going out for dinner this evening. Sort of an impromptu thing; we just decided it this afternoon. We'd love for you to join us, Sir."

AJ looked at Harriett and smiled. "Thank you, Harriett. But I'm sure you'd all enjoy your evening a lot more if your stodgy, old CO isn't around."

"I wasn't aware that you had left JAG, Sir," Harriett said, smiling.

AJ looked at her questioningly. "Left JAG?"

"Well, Admiral, you referred to our CO as being old and stodgy, and you're neither of those things. So if our CO is those things, you must have left JAG and been replaced, and we haven't been informed," replied Harriett, grinning.

AJ smiled. "Harriett, you always do know just the thing to say to make a body feel better, you know that? Thank you."

"So you'll join us, Sir?" she asked hopefully.

"I think I'll pass this time, Harriett. But thank you for the invitation."

"I wish you'd come with us, Admiral," said Mac, stepping out of her office. "I, for one, will enjoy it a lot more if you are there." AJ turned to face Mac. She walked closer to him and said softly, "And I do apologize, Sir, for snapping at you just before. I'm a little sensitive about my love life right now. It's rather in a state of shambles, and it's still very painful to talk about."

AJ hid his surprise. "I'm sorry, Mac. I didn't know."

Mac smiled. "So, will you join us for dinner, Sir? Please?"

"You really want me to be there, Mac?" She nodded. "Why?" Mac looked down and bit her upper lip. AJ smiled slightly. "All right, I'll tag along."

Mac looked up and smiled brightly. "I'm glad, Sir."

"Where are we going? And what time?" he asked.

Friday, 3 May, 2002
1935 EDT
Via Cucina Restaurant
Arlington, Virginia

When AJ arrived at the restaurant, everyone else was already there and seated. There was one open place, between Mac and Bobbi. As he sat down, he gave the bar steward his drink order. Conversation was already flowing around the table, and AJ listened to his people enjoying each other's company. The bar steward returned, saying, "One tonic water with mint."

AJ thanked him and took a sip. Mac looked at him curiously. "I've never known you to order that before, Admiral," she said quietly.

He turned and smiled at Mac. "I'm sitting next to a lovely woman who doesn't imbibe. I'd prefer not to insult her with alcohol on my breath," he answered quietly.

"Oh, but Admiral, please. You don't have to…"

"I know I don't have to, Mac," he reached under the table and patted her knee with his hand. Before he took it away, Mac covered his hand with hers and squeezed it.

She looked at him and smiled. "You're a very special man, Sir."

"You're just noticing that?" he chuckled, and she laughed lightly.

Dinner was a nice affair, each person at the table offering a funny or poignant story. When it was finally AJ's turn to tell a story, Bobbi said, "Tell us about your trip to Hawaii, AJ. I'm sure it was chock full of young lovelies, if you stayed true to the stories about you."

AJ had no intention of telling anyone about the women he'd had in Hawaii. They were mistakes, every one of them. All substitutes for Mac. He replied, "Nothing much to tell, Congresswoman. My vacations are usually pretty dull." Then he turned quickly to Mac, "Colonel, would you care to dance with your stodgy, old CO?"

"I'd be happy to, Admiral. When will I meet him?" Mac retorted to the amusement of all present.

"I meant me, Mac," AJ said.

"Oh!" she acted truly surprised. "Why, thank you, Sir, I'd be delighted." AJ held Mac's chair as she rose and they walked to the small dance floor.

AJ took her in his arms and they whirled around the floor. Because there were no other couples on the dance floor, AJ took advantage of every inch of the space. Mac had the strangest feeling that she'd danced this way with him before. 'But that's impossible. The only dances we've shared were a couple of short ones at the Nato Ball one year and the Surface Warfare Ball another year. Oh, and Bud & Harriett's wedding, but this just feels different. Recent.'

"Where are you, Mac?" AJ brought her thoughts back to him.

"Hmm?"

"You looked like you were a thousand miles away."

"I'm sorry, Sir. I guess I was just dreaming of… I'm sorry, Sir," Mac apologized.

"No need to apologize, Colonel." They continued to dance for several minutes, and finally AJ spoke, again. "Plans for the weekend? Oh… I asked you that earlier, didn't I? Back at the office. Sorry."

"That's all right, Sir. Actually, I'm thinking of going to the shore, like you suggested. I wish I knew someone who was taking their sailboat out this weekend. That's what I'd really love, to go sailing," she said dreamily.

"Would you?" he asked. "Would you really want to go sailing?"

"Mmmm, I love sailing."

"I called the Marina this afternoon to have them put my boat in the water. I'm taking her out tomorrow for the weekend," AJ told her.

Mac looked up into his face and smiled. "It's going to be a beautiful weekend for sailing. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time, Sir."

They danced a while longer, and finally AJ asked, "Would you want to come with me, Mac? Sailing?" He didn't realize that his voice would be so husky when he spoke, but Mac was arousing feelings in him that he was having difficulty suppressing.

She moaned her pleasure at hearing his voice. She'd heard that voice before, but where? That tenor… the tremor… the vocal quality. 'No, I'm just imagining things. Wait!  Did he ask me to go sailing with him? The Admiral??' Mac looked up at him to see him looking down at her with a question in his eyes. "Are you sure you want me tagging along, Sir?"

"No, Mac. I don't want you to 'tag along'. I want you to come with me if you'd like to go sailing."

"I'd like that very much, Admiral. Thank you."

Sunday, 5 May 2002
2200 EDT
Chegwidden Residence
McLean, Virginia

AJ paced the floor of his living room. He knew when he asked that it was a mistake to take Mac sailing with him. And it had been just that. A mistake. He'd be surprised if he didn't end up with pneumonia after this weekend. Diving off the boat into the cold water of the Atlantic almost every hour on the hour. And never taking off his t-shirt, even when it was wet and cold? What was he thinking?

"I was thinking of making love to Mac, that's what I was thinking! And that's why I dove in the water, to cool off. And if I'd taken off my shirt, she might have recognized my scar." It worked pretty well, too. Until he drove her home tonight. "Oh God, why didn't I just let her go upstairs by herself?"

AJ remembered taking Mac's small duffel bag up the stairs behind her. She unlocked and opened her front door and invited him in for a cup of coffee. "I don't think so, Mac. I need to get home. I have to…"

But Mac had taken his arm and pulled him inside, closing the door behind him.

"I just wanted to thank you properly for such a lovely weekend, AJ. I had a wonderful time, and you were the perfect gentleman I've always known you to be." Mac snaked her arms up and around his neck and pulled his face down to hers. She kissed him gently and whispered into his mouth, "Thank you so much, AJ."

He didn't respond, so she began to release him. He groaned softly, thus encouraging her to continue. She pulled his face back to hers and pressed into him, backing him up against the closed door. AJ dropped her duffel and pulled her to him, devouring her mouth.  He was running his hands up under her shirt and Mac was pulling his t-shirt out of his pants when he realized where he was and whom he was about to take to bed. "Oh, God. Mac, I can't do this. It's wrong," AJ ground out. He pulled away from her, and laid his hand on her cheek. "I'm sorry, Mac."

He opened the door and took the stairs three at a time on his way out.

"There's no choice. I haven't left myself a choice." AJ picked up the phone in his living room and dialed.

"Hello?" a gruff voice answered.

"Mr. Secretary, AJ Chegwidden calling."

"AJ!  How the hell are you?  All rested up and back at the old grind?"

"Actually, Sir, that's why I'm calling.  I was back at the office the latter part of the week. However, I don't believe I'm going to be able to continue working with Colonel MacKenzie.  I can't be impartial where she's concerned."

"AJ..."

"Mr. Secretary, I think it's time for me retire."

"Are you sure that's what you want to do, AJ?  Why don't you just let me move MacKenzie?"

"Not fair to her, Sir.  She's not even aware of the problem.  And I'd rather keep it that way," AJ explained.

"AJ, this is really a bad time for you to leave. Do you think you can stick it out for another couple of months? Say, until July 1?"

"Of course, Mr. Secretary. I can do that."

"And we won't announce your leaving until June 1. Is that acceptable?"

"Yes, Sir."

"And AJ, if you change your mind between now and then, just let me know. You're a tremendous asset to the Navy; I don't want to lose that."

"Thank you, Mr. Secretary."

"And talk to MacKenzie. You may find that she's ready to move on and just doesn't want to leave your command. It'd be a shame to have you retire and then have her move on the next month." AJ didn't respond. "AJ, I'm also going to look for another position for Colonel MacKenzie. Just in case."

"Very well, Sir," AJ sighed. "I do request, however, that no one mention anything to the Colonel without my advance knowledge."

"I can agree with that, AJ. I know you look out for your people."

Monday, 6 May 2002
0810 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

AJ heard a light knock on his office door. "Enter!" he called, expecting it to be Harriett. She was the only one who knocked so lightly. He was surprised when it was Mac who walked through the door. "Good morning, Colonel."

Mac looked at him almost shyly. "Good morning, Admiral."

"Have a seat. What's on your mind?" he asked, hoping she didn't want to discuss what happened at her apartment the prior evening.

"Admiral, I want to apologize for my behavior last night. It was totally inexcusable, and I can't think what came over me, Sir."

"Mac…"

"Please, Admiral. I need to say this. I've had a very difficult few months, and I guess I just saw you as an escape. I had such an enjoyable time with you on the boat, and I just… I guess I…" she faltered. "I don't mean that I wanted you as a… Oh God, this isn't going well at all," she moaned.

AJ smiled and came around to the seat next to Mac. He took her hand in his. "Mac, I understand, believe me. I know it's been difficult for you for a while now. Harm is pretty rough on his women's emotions, from my viewpoint. But he'll come around. Things will work out."

Mac looked at him incredulously. 'How could he think this is about Harm?  It's about Brutus!'  "Harm? What does Harm have to do with anything, Sir?"

"Well, I just assumed that you and he were…"

"Admiral, I'm not with Harm. If I were, do you think I'd have come on to you last night?"

"Mac, you weren't coming on to me. You were…"

"What would you call it? I almost had your shirt off and I was practically eating your tongue!"

"Mac…"

"And you thought it was because of Harm? Oh God… that's rich. Harm figures into everything, doesn't he? Did you ask his permission to take me on the boat?" Mac stood up; she had fire in her eyes. "Did you?" she demanded.

AJ rose with her and shook his head. "No, Mac, of course not."

She walked to the door, but before she opened it, she whispered, "Am I even the slightest bit attractive to you, Admiral? Just the slightest?"  She turned back, her hand on the doorknob.  "No, don't answer that.  I already know that I'm not."

AJ walked over to her and turned her toward him. "You're magnificent, Mac. You're not just attractive. You're beautiful. Gorgeous. Ravishing." AJ lowered his head and captured Mac's mouth in his. She parted her lips and he sucked her tongue inside his mouth. She molded herself to his body. "Oh, Mac…" he groaned. "You need to leave now. Please…" he begged into her mouth.

She lifted her head in amazement. 'He wants me. He really wants me!' She turned and left his office.

Ten minutes later, Tiner let everyone know that the Admiral had cancelled the staff meeting and left for the day.

Tuesday, 7 May 2002
1110 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

AJ sat in his office trying to decide what to do.  'Should I talk to Mac?  Or not.  Should I talk to Rabb.  Or not.  Maybe Harriett would be able to shed some light on all this for me.  No, that would be inappropriate.'  AJ pressed the buzzer on the intercom.  "Tiner, send the Colonel in here, please.  At her convenience."

"Actually, Sir, the Colonel was just asking to see you.  She's right here, Sir," Tiner replied.

Mac opened the Admiral's door and walked inside.  Before she came to attention stance, AJ said, "Close the hatch, and have a seat, Colonel.  You wanted to see me?"

"Please, Admiral.  You wanted to see me.  You first, if you don't mind," Mac requested.

'Most unusual,' AJ thought to himself.  "Okay, Mac.  I wanted to discuss your behavior of late."  Mac tensed, and AJ could see her clench her fists in her lap.  "Mac, I'm not reprimanding you.  I want to understand what's happening.  What's going on?  What are you feeling?"

Mac looked up at him.  "I don't know the answer to that, Sir.  I'm in love.  I know that.  And I know that I'll never have him.  So I'm trying my best to get past it and forget him.  But it's difficult when you remind me so much of him..." Mac gasped and put her hands over her mouth.  "You do!  I just realized it.  You do remind of him.  That must be why I...  Oh, God!  Admiral, I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean to...  Oh!" Mac was appalled at her discovery, and she leapt from her chair and ran back to her office without being dismissed.

"Well, that went well," AJ fumed.  He buzzed Tiner, again.  "Get me Lieutenant Sims and Commander Rabb in here right away."

"Aye, aye, Sir!"

Several minutes later, both Harriett and Harm were seated in front of the Admiral's desk.  "All right, I want to know what's going on here.  The Colonel is having problems, and I want to know what they are and how to fix them.  Commander, care to shed some light on this situation?"

"Admiral, I don't really know what's going on with her," Harm began.

AJ cut him off, "Don't give me that crap, Rabb.  You've been pushing her buttons since last fall..."

Harriett interrupted.  "Excuse me, Admiral.  Actually, this time, the Commander is right.  He doesn't really understand any of it."

AJ turned and looked at Harriett.  "And you do?"

She nodded.  "It has to do with Brutus, Sir."

AJ blinked hard.  "Brutus?"

"Her Shakespeare man from the Masked Ball, Sir," Harriett reminded him.

"What about him?"

"He hasn't contacted her since the clover episode on St. Patrick's Day, Sir," said Harm.

"Actually, he called her on Easter Sunday, Commander," Harriett said.  

Harm looked truly surprised.  "Is that why she didn't show up for dinner at your place?"

"No, Sir, it's not.  She didn't get his messages until that evening."

"Messages, plural?  He called more than once?" Harm asked.

Harriett nodded.  "He called in the morning after she'd left for the service.  Told her he loved her.  Then he called back in the afternoon and said he wouldn't be bothering her, again.  That he'd seen her at Church with you, and... well...  I think he didn't want to intrude.  He probably thought you were a couple.  Or at least that you wanted to be."

"And I was a total jerk that day on the stairs.  Even to the point that she believes I think you have no feelings, Admiral.  And that's just not true.  But that's why she ran off," Harm said sadly.  "God, I've really botched it royally, haven't I?  She doesn't want me; she's made that perfectly clear.  But she doesn't know how to reach him, and he's not going to contact her.  God, it sounds like a soap opera."

"Not quite," said Harriett.  "If it were a soap opera, someone would be in love with you, Commander."

"Gee thanks."

AJ looked back and forth between the two officers as they spoke.  "You mean she's pining after this Brutus fellow whom she doesn't even know?"

"Yes, Sir.  I believe that's the root of the problem," said Harriett.

"Thank you, Lieutenant.  That will be all.  Dismissed," he said to both of them.  "Oh, and this conversation did not happen.  Understood?"

"Understood, Sir," they echoed.

Wednesday, 8 May 2002
0630 EST
Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment
Georgetown, Washington, DC

Mac opened the front door to take Jingo out.  "Oh my God!" she cried as Jingo barked.  There, in the hallway directly in front of her doorway, was a gorgeous 6-foot fichus tree.  "It's beautiful!  But where... who..."  Mac looked down at the trunk and saw that it was a braided trunk.  Between two of the trunks was a card.  She opened it and gasped.

"Portia, my love,
I am not a day of season, For thou mayest see a sunshine and a hail in me at one:  but to the brightest beams distracted clouds give way; so stand thou forth; the time is fair again."

"Oh, Brutus!" Mac whispered.  "You've come back!  You've come back to me!" she cried as tears coursed down her cheeks.  Jingo whined and nudged her legs.  Mac quickly moved the fichus tree inside her apartment and took Jingo for a quick walk to do his business.  

Wednesday, 8 May 2002
1130 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

"Can you believe the change in her?" asked Harm.

"I've never seen anything like it," replied Bud.

"I have," said Sturgis.  "She's in love."

"Mac?  No way," said Harm.  "Mac doesn't fall in and out of love that quickly, Sturgis.  It takes her a long time to trust somebody."

"Didn't take long for her to trust this Shakespeare fellow, Harm," Sturgis reminded him.

"No, but that's different.  And I don't think she really loved him.  It was infatuation."

"Then how do you explain how she's acting today, Harm?"

"Explain how who's acting, Commander?" asked the Admiral as he stealthily approached the men.

"Admiral, haven't you noticed the change in the Colonel today, Sir?" asked Bud.

"Can't say that I have, gentlemen.  But then, I haven't really seen much of her today.  Is she acting differently?" AJ asked casually.

"Very!  She hasn't been this happy in months, Sir," replied Bud.

"And you're trying to analyze her happiness?" AJ asked.  "Why?  Why not just be glad for her and encourage her?"  AJ walked away shaking his head.  "Why does there always have to be a reason for everything around here?" he muttered for their hearing.

"I guess he's right.  We should just be happy for Mac," agreed Harm.

"Happy for me?" Mac chirped as she walked into the bullpen.  "Why are you happy for me, Harm?"

"No special reason, Mac.  Just because you're happy.  That makes me happy," Harm said as he slipped an arm around her shoulders... something she hadn't permitted since Easter.

"Well, I am happy, Harm.  And no, I'm not going to tell you why," she grinned and walked into her office, closing the door behind her.

"Well, what do you make of that?" asked Harm.

"She's in love, I tell you.  No question.  That is definitely a woman in love," said Sturgis.

Friday, 10 May 2002
2300 EST
Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment
Georgetown, Washington, DC

Mac sat by the phone all night, hoping that Brutus would call.  She hadn't gone to McMurphy's tonight because she really thought he would call early.  He hadn't.  She was beginning to feel depressed, so she decided to take a luxurious bubble bath and then go to bed.  As she covered herself in bubbles, the phone rang.  "Damn!  I forgot to bring the cordless in here with me!"  

Mac stood up and reached for a towel, slipping on the wet floor and falling on her behind.  "Owww!" she cried out.  She could hear a voice on the answering machine, but she didn't get up fast enough to reach the phone before he hung up.  "Hello?  Hello?" she said into the receiver, but all she heard was the dial tone.  

Mac grabbed her robe and went into the living room.  She pressed Play on the answering machine and heard his voice. 

"Ah, my beautiful Portia.  Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast.  Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest!"

"Oh, Brutus..." Mac moaned in frustration.  "Why did I have take a bath?"

Monday, 13 May 2002
0605 EST
Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment
Georgetown, Washington, DC

Mac heard the alarm go off, again.  She slapped the clock, but the noise wouldn't go away.  "Stop it!" she yelled at the clock.  Then she realized that it wasn't the clock at all; it was the phone.  She grabbed it just as the answering machine was about to pick up.  "Hello?" she mumbled into the receiver.

"Arise, fair sun. and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou her maid art far more fair than she.  Be not her maid, since she is envious; her vestal livery is but sick and green and none but fools do wear it.  Cast it off.  It is my lady.  O, it is my love!  O, that she knew she were!"

"Mmmm, good morrow, kind sir," Mac said, trying to recreate her voice from February.

"Fair Portia is awake?" the sexy voice asked.

"Awakened by so lovely a discourse as thou hast brought me," she replied.

"Ah, that it were this humble servant who did awaken thou each morrow," said AJ.

"Yes, I would like that.  I would dearly like to know your name," Mac begged.

"It is your Brutus, my beautiful lady."

"Your true name."

"By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am.  My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, because it is an enemy to thee," he replied.

"But how?"

"Love wrought these miracles.  It shall do so, again.  Farewell, my love."

"No!  Wait.  You're not leaving me, again, are you?"

"Never.  Until thou sendest me away, I shall remain.  After thou sendest me away, I shall still love thee.  Farewell."

Friday, 17 May 2002
1005 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

"Have you ever seen the Colonel so happy as she's been this week?" asked Harriett.  "She's absolutely glowing!"

"She certainly is, Harriett.  Have you gotten anything out of her about it?" asked Lauren.

Harriett shook her head.  "No.  But that's okay.  I'm just glad to see her happy, again."

"It is a nice change," quipped Lauren.

Harriett frowned at the Lieutenant as she walked away.  "Watch it, Harriett.  That look might freeze on your face!"

Harriett turned a sheepish look toward Harm.  "Did your mother tell you that, too, Commander?"

"Don't all mothers?" he chuckled.

"Yes, I suppose so.  I've even used it once or twice on little AJ all ready!" she laughed.

"You've used what on my namesake, Lieutenant?" barked the Admiral, entering the bullpen.

Harm and Harriett laughed as she explained.  AJ grinned.  "My mother said that to me, and I believed her.  And since I wanted it to freeze like that, I walked around for two days like this!"  AJ screwed up his face into a terribly contorted position and walked away, leaving everyone in the bullpen laughing.

"You know, he is a lot happier lately, too," commented Harriett.

"You've noticed that, too?  Ever since his trip to Hawaii.  I'll bet Bobbi was right.  He did get laid a lot," said Harm.

"Commander!" Harriett chided.  'Actually, I didn't think it was right away after he got back.  I thought it was a week or so afterward. Almost coinciding with...  Oh my God!  You don't suppose...  The Admiral?  Could he be Brutus?  She said he was older.  And the Admiral knows Shakespeare very well.  Oh my...'

At noon, Harriett noticed that Mac was still at her desk.  She knocked on her door and asked if she could bring Mac anything for lunch.  

"Oh!  Is it that time all ready?  Yes, I guess it is.  1203," she said in a sing-song voice.

"Ma'am, would you like to join me for lunch today?  I'd love to chat with you; we haven't done that in so long," suggested Harriett.

"I'd love that, Harriett.  Yes.  Thank you for asking," agreed Mac.  

"Wonderful!  Let me just run tell Bud to fend for himself, and I'll be right back," said Harriett.

Friday, 17 May 2002
1235 EST
Gypsy's Shiny Diner
Falls Church, Virginia

Mac and Harriett sat in a booth chatting and waiting for their sandwiches to arrive.  "Okay, Harriett, go ahead and ask your questions," said Mac.

"I beg your pardon, Ma'am?" Harriett said innocently.

"Oh, Harriett, I know full well that you're about to bust at the seams with questions as to why I'm so happy lately.  I have eyes.  I see you all talking about me.  And I have ears, too.  I've heard a few comments in the bullpen," Mac said.

"We don't mean any disrespect, Colonel.  We're all very glad that you're so happy.  We are just wondering who he is, that's all."

Mac laughed.  "And does it have to be a 'he' that's made me so happy, Harriett?  Can't I just be happy for happiness sake?"

Harriett thought for a moment.  "Of course you can, Ma'am.  But the glow you've had on your face this last week is the kind of glow that says you're in love.  It's a special glow."

"Okay, yes.  I'm in love.  I know it's crazy.  I don't even know his real name.  I don't even know what he looks like.  Well, I know what his body looks like, but not his face," Mac said, and the two women giggled like school girls.  

"So it is Brutus!  He contacted you, again!  When?" Harriett asked.

"Last Wednesday.  There was a gorgeous braided fichus tree outside my apartment door when I went out in the morning.  And there was a note, of course.  Then he called on Friday night.  But I missed the call... I slipped getting out of the tub and... Well, he left a message.  A really sweet one," Mac said dreamily.

"And...?" Harriett prodded.

"And he calls every morning now as my wake-up call.  We talk for just a couple of minutes, but it just makes everything right," Mac sighed.

"So when are you going to see him, again?  Meet him, face to face?  Real face to real face?" Harriett pressed.

"Not for a while yet.  He suggested we keep talking for a while longer.  Maybe meet in the summer.  July, probably."

"July?  I wonder why July?" Harriett pondered.

"I don't know, but I'm willing to wait.  I love him, Harriett.  And he loves me.  I know he does.  I just know it," Mac said, her eyes swelling with tears that threatened to overflow. She tried to blink them away, but one slipped out and ran down her cheek.  "Am I completely crazy?" she asked her friend.

Harriett moved from her side of the booth to sit next to Mac and put her arms around her.  "No, you're not crazy, Mac.  You're in love, and it's beautiful.  And I am so happy for you!"

Friday, 17 May 2002
1745 EST
McMurphy's Tavern
Falls Church, Virginia

The JAG officers were congregating around the bar as had become the norm for them on Friday afternoons.  As Mac walked in to join the group for the first time since her 'explosion' in mid April, she noticed the new mirror behind the bar.  She walked over to say hello and order her drink.  "Hey, Larry!  When'd you get the new mirror?" she asked.  He turned and grinned at her; she paled and gasped, putting her hands over her mouth.  "Oh my God!  Larry, I'm so sorry!  I can't believe I broke the mirror!  How much was the damage?  I'll pay you back.  Oh, Larry, I'm so sorry," she kept saying.

"Not a problem, Mac.  It's already been taken of," Larry said as he filled a glass.  "I'm just glad to see that you're back to your old self.  Tonic water with a twist of lime," he handed her the glass.  "Good to have you back, Mac."

"Thank you, Larry.  Who paid for the damage?" Mac asked quietly.

"Your friends took care of it, Mac.  They love you, you know.  You were all they talked about in here for weeks.  What was bothering you... how could they help...  You've got some real friends in these people, you know," Larry told her.

She nodded her agreement.  "Yes, I know.  And in you, too.  Thanks, Larry."

"Hey, Mac!  Get yourself over here!" yelled Harm.  Mac joined the group and found that they were talking about exercise.  "What's your favorite exercise, Mac?"

"Don't have one," she said.

"You don't exercise?" queried Sturgis.  "You must!  You couldn't keep a shape like that if you didn't... not with all you eat!"  This brought laughter from everyone, including Mac.

"I didn't say I don't exercise.  I said I don't have a favorite one.  I do them all.  And I hate them all.  Equally."

"You hate running, Mac?" asked Harm.

"Especially running."

"Bet you've never tried swimming as your primary exercise, Mac," said the Admiral.

"Swimming, Sir?  No, you're right.  I've never used that as a form of exercise.  Just as recreation," Mac replied.

"Excellent exercise.  That's my favorite.  I swim four days a week and run the other three," he told her.

"But you were a SeAL, Admiral.  That would explain why you prefer swimming," she said.

"Not really, Mac.  I know a lot of SeALs who hate swimming because of our training.  They swim only when they have to.  And I know others who love swimming who have never taken a lesson in their life... nor swam in the ocean," AJ said.  

"Where do you swim, Sir?" Bud asked.

"Usually at the YMCA in McLean.  Except during the summer on weekends.  Then I go out to the shore and swim in the ocean.  I can do power swimming in the ocean; it's hard to do that in a pool," explained AJ.  "Impossible if there's anyone else in the pool with me.  The Y I like has an Olympic-sized pool."

"Power swimming?  What's that?" asked Harriett.

"It's what SeALs do, Harriett.  Swim fast.  Swim hard.  Swim long.  I go for about an hour in one direction then turn around and go back."

"I think that's a little beyond me, Admiral," grinned Mac.

"Definitely," AJ agreed instantly.  "Power swimming is not for everyone.  And it's not something you just decide to do one day.  You have to train for it."  He looked right at Mac, "But you could do laps in the pool, Mac.  I'll bet you'd even enjoy it."

"Maybe," she said doubtfully.  

Tuesday, 21 May 2002
0605 EST
Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment
Georgetown, Washington, DC

Mac and AJ were talking during their early-morning wake-up call.  "Oh, Brutus, how I long to see you, again."

"Amen, amen!  But come what sorrow can, it cannot countervail the exchange of joy that one short minute gives me in your sight."

"When, Brutus?"

"Soon, my love."  AJ planned to tell Mac on June 1.  It was a Saturday, and he had made reservations at a small B&B on the coast.  The following Monday, the SecNav would announce his retirement.  And on July 1, he and Mac could be together.  

Friday, 24 May 2002
2045 EST
YMCA
McLean, Virginia

Mac walked into the building with trepidation.  'I can do this.  I swim for fun all the time.  I just don't want to make a fool of myself in front of the Admiral.'  

"May I help you?" asked a young man behind the reception desk.

"Yes, I am a friend, er... co-worker, of Admiral Chegwidden."  'Oh God, why did I wear my suit?  That was presumptuous.  I should have brought it and changed if he invited me to stay!'

"AJ?"

"Yes, that's right.  AJ Chegwidden.  He mentioned that swimming is good exercise, and I heard him say this afternoon that he was coming here tonight around 2000.  I was hoping he..." Mac's words were stilted.

The young man interrupted her.  "AJ is in the pool now.  Did you want to see him?  He'll have to sign you in as his guest if you want to swim."

"Oh, I don't want to be a problem," she said.

"No problem.  He just has to sign you in," the young man said.  "If you'll just go right through those doors, you'll be in the ladies' dressing room.  Then go through the door at the other end, and you'll see him in the pool.  He'll know what to do."

"Thank you," said Mac.  She walked slowly into the locker room and looked around.  It was empty.  'Looks like any other locker room,' she thought.  'I can do this.  I'm not going to make a fool of myself.  He won't laugh at me.  He'll help me.  Just because I'm not a good swimmer doesn't mean I can't do this.'

Mac walked through the locker room and pushed the other door open.  She looked around and saw only one person in the pool area.  He was swimming, hard and fast.  Mac had never seen anyone swim so fast.  'Oh God, this was a mistake.  He will laugh at me.  He's gone 6 laps all ready and I'd not even be finished with 1!'

AJ heard the ladies' locker room door open.  It squeaked differently than the men's door, so he could always tell the difference.  'Damn,' he thought.  'I was really hoping to get more done before anyone came in.  Never can go as fast when there are other people around; have to watch out for them.'

AJ stopped swimming and pulled himself out of the water onto the edge of the pool.  He laid back and dangled his feet in the water, his upper body lying on the concrete, his arms stretched out above his head.

Mac decided this was the time to let him know of her presence.  She walked over to him slowly, noticing that his eyes were closed.  She knew better than to surprise a SeAL.  He probably already knew she was there, in fact.  But just in case, she'd be sure not to take him unawares.

"Hello there," she said quietly.

AJ smiled, but he didn't open his eyes.  "Hello."

"I hope you don't mind my coming here," she said.

"Why would I mind?" he asked.  'God, she sounds just like Mac.  Damn, Chegwidden, you do have it bad!'

"I should have asked you before I just showed up.  But I heard you say you were coming here tonight."  Mac was watching AJ carefully.  He had suddenly opened his eyes and turned to look at her.  His expression was that of shock.  

She continued, "So I hoped you wouldn't mind.  The man at the desk said you'd have to sign me in."   His expression changed and his eyes grew dark.  "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all."  

AJ pulled his legs out of the water and stood up.  He wore a tiny Speed-o bathing suit and Mac could see every bulge through it.  She looked back up at his face; his eyes were even darker than before, and his expression was unreadable.  "Yes, this was definitely a bad idea.  I'm sorry to have bothered you, Admiral.  I'll be... leaving... now..." she managed to choke out. 

Mac turned to leave and felt his wet hands on her bare shoulders.  "Mac," he said softly.  "It's not a problem.  You came to swim?"  

She nodded, her back to him.  "I'm not any good.  I was hoping you could help me.  But after seeing you swim, you don't want to be bothered with the likes of me.  I'd just keep you from..."

"I'd be happy to help you, Mac," he said as he pulled her back against his chest.  "I'll help you in any way you desire," he whispered in her ear.  Mac shivered in his arms and he turned her around to face him.  "What is it you want, Mac?" he asked huskily.

"I just thought... laps... would be... best," she stammered.

"Laps.  Okay, we'll do laps."  

AJ got back in the water and pulled Mac in with him when she hesitated.  He spent the next hour teaching Mac how to swim freestyle laps and do a flip turn.  She was exhausted after the hour's lesson, so he lifted her out of the water and set her on the side of the pool.  "I'll just finish up my laps while you rest.  Then we can get dressed and grab a bite to eat if you'd like."  Mac smiled her agreement.

She sat on the edge of the pool dangling her feet in the water and watched AJ as he pulled himself through the water at an incredible speed.  Thirty minutes later, AJ decided to stop.  He pulled himself out of the water onto the edge of the pool next to Mac.  He laid back and dangled his feet in the water, his upper body lying on the concrete, his arms stretched out above his head, his eyes closed, just as before.

Mac looked down at him and smiled.  "You're incredible, you know that?" she said softly.

He chuckled.  "Not really, Mac.  SeALs swim.  I kept it up.  That's all."

"No, it's not just that.  You're an incredible man, AJ Chegwidden."  Mac laid her hand on his chest and ran her fingers through his hair.  It was the same texture, the same color, as Brutus'.  Mac forgot for a moment that this was her CO and she leaned over to kiss his chest.  AJ groaned when he felt her lips on him, and that spurred her on.  She trailed kisses along his stomach and moved to the side.  She kissed the scar on his chest and ran her tongue along its length.  'Scar?'  "Scar?" she said aloud.  Mac lifted her head and stared at the scar.  It was identical to the one on Brutus.  She looked up into his eyes.  "You?" she whispered.  "You're Brutus?"

AJ nodded.  This wasn't how he wanted to tell her.  But she knew now.  How would she react?

"You're... Brutus?" she said, again.  

"Yes, Fair Lady.  I am he," AJ replied in his Shakespearean voice.

Mac scrambled to her feet and began to run toward the ladies' dressing room.  But AJ was faster, and he caught her around her waist.  "Mac, don't.  Don't run away.  I love you.  God help me, I can't live without you."

"We can't, AJ.  It's against... everything... the regs..." she cried.  

AJ turned her around in his arms.  "Yes, it is.  That's why I'm retiring.  As of July 1.  I called Nelson Sunday night after our sailing weekend."

"Retiring?!  No, you can't!" Mac argued.

"Mac, I can't continue with you on my staff.  I've had a hard enough time since I realized it was you a week after the Mask.  I can't..."

"Let me transfer."

"No.  That isn't fair to you."

"Why isn't it?  Why isn't it fair that I should be able to give something up to have the man I love?"

"Because you don't love... me.  You love Brutus."

"You are Brutus."

"Yes, I am.  But, Mac..."

"AJ, do you have any idea how badly I wanted it to be you?  I dreamed of Brutus so many nights.  And every morning I woke up to find that my Brutus was you."

"Oh, Mac..."  AJ pulled her to his chest and kissed her soundly.  "Mac, are you sure?  Absolutely certain this is what you want?  That I am who you want?"

"I'm positive, AJ."

They were rather loud in their love-making, so the young man from the front desk opened the door and peeked inside.  He had an idea what the noise was coming from the pool area, but he was responsible tonight, so he checked.  Sure enough, he saw AJ lying on top of Mac on the concrete by the pool. 

"I suppose I should let the SecNav know that he needs to move up my retirement date," said AJ a few minutes later.  Mac giggled.  AJ kissed Mac gently, and said, "Do but close our hands with holy words, then love-devouring death do what he dare.  It is enough I may but call you mine."

"AJ, did you just ask me to marry you?" she whispered.

AJ smiled.  "That I did, Mac."

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